Coaching as a Manager and Leader
Coaching is a partnership, where the coach partners with the coachee through a question-based creative process to find inspired solutions. Management, leadership, and coaching have been used interchangeably, but in reality, coaching is not a value, leadership style, or personality. Coaching is an action, a behavior. To really embody the techniques of coaching, it is important to distinguish what coaching behaviors are.
To coach as a manager or leader, you need to intentionally adopt the coach position and actively practice coaching behaviors and techniques. This resource walks through coaching techniques and specific actions you can begin practicing in the workplace today.
One of the techniques is a coaching framework, GROW. As a manager or leader, you could walk through a complete coaching framework or practice some of the other techniques to begin applying coaching behaviors. It may be best to practice coaching behaviors before applying a full framework, but consider what best suits your strengths, team member’s needs, and your relationship.
Practice Applying Coaching Techniques
The Coach Position
Coaching is a partnership. This means that when you are actively practicing coaching you are meant to be a partner. This is an immediate challenge with a manager-direct report or leader-follower relationship.
Ethically it is important to remember that you are also the manager or an authority figure. While taking steps to shift into a coach position, you will need to be mindful of the other hats you wear and cannot take off due to your position of authority and power. Coaching is a powerful tool for managers and leaders, but anytime your intentions go beyond the needs of your “client” to the needs of the company and team, the coaching relationship needs an extra layer of care.
Step 1: Define and Communicate Your Boundaries
To enter into the coach position, first consider your boundaries. What may cause you to take off your coach hat and wear your manager or leader hat? What can you keep confidential in a coaching conversation and what may you need to share with others?
Certified coaches abide by ethical certification standards around confidentiality and reporting, these often revolve around transparency and alignment with your client. Align on expectations around roles, confidentiality, reporting, and ethics up front with your team members.
Some things you may want to define and align on:
What information is confidential in discussions with your team members:
“My responsibilities as a manager are to you as my team member but also to our team and company. I want you to feel comfortable coming to me with questions, concerns, and needs. I will keep the information you share with me confidential, unless it relates to X [LIST EXCEPTIONS] or we discuss a strategy for me to share the information.” OR
“Transparency is important to me and our team because of [Y]. That being said, I want you to feel comfortable coming to me with questions, concerns, and needs. If you ever want to discuss something in confidence let me know and unless the conversation relates to X [LIST EXCEPTIONS] or we discuss a strategy for me to share the information, I will keep our conversation confidential.”
Your role in a coaching conversation:
More ad hoc/ informal coaching: “At times, especially when I observe you have the necessary skills to achieve your goals, I may practice coaching or partnering. When I believe you know what to do or know the answers, I may ask more questions than give answers because I want to help inspire you to find solutions on your own. Is this something you may be interested in?”
More formal coaching framework: “It sounds like you are trying to accomplish X is that correct? I do not have a perfect answer here but really believe you have the skill to solve this. I would like to walk you through a coaching framework, where my role would be to partner with you and ask you questions to find inspired solutions to help you achieve X, would you be open to that?”
Your team member’s role in a coaching conversation:
If they say things like “Why are you asking me? Can you tell me what to do?”: “There is not one right way to approach this. You have the most context and skill to consider your options… [Ask your original question differently without leading].”
More formal coaching: “In coaching, I only ask that you partner with me and consider a different approach.”
Other ethics, values, or ground rules:
Plainly state any ethical boundaries or guidelines- if you are unsure consider your employee handbook, manager training, HR department, etc.
“It is important to me that we are able to X [list value] in our relationship. EXAMPLE [this is what it would look like to me], what would this look like to you?”
“As ground rules for a productive conversation…” OR “For our call today…” List ground rules could be things like: “I know this is a controversial topic let’s assume good intentions, let’s start with our shared goals, everyone will get a chance to share their opinion, please do not interrupt others, ETC…” “What may you want to add or adjust so this conversation is inclusive to your needs?”
These do not need to be boundaries you should define in the context of coaching exclusively. You can define these more generally in your working relationship. If you are engaging in a full formal coaching framework, reestablish boundaries at the top of the conversation or engagement. If you are practicing coaching techniques and behaviors, align on boundaries more generally in your relationship.
Step 2: Be Mindful of Yourself
The International Coaching Federation lists three different competencies related to managing your own emotions as a coach:
“Develops and maintains the ability to regulate one’s emotions”
“Mentally and emotionally prepares for sessions”
“Manages one’s emotions to stay present with the client”
As a coach, you are present and focused on your team member. You are able to share observations and ask questions without emotional attachment to what you are saying but instead focused on the value you drive for your team member. Value, as defined by your team member’s needs, not your own.
To accomplish this, start by drawing awareness to your own emotional state. Consider questions like:
How am I doing?
What’s on my mind?
What am I feeling right now?
What am I focused on?
What do I need to do or let go of to focus on my team member and their needs?
Next, be mindful of your physical presence and workspace. Consider:
What does it look like to be present in this conversation?
How can I remove distractions?
Lastly, be honest about your goals:
What is my agenda? Am I able to put aside my goals and be open to my team member’s needs?
What are my opinions on this topic? Am I willing to put aside my opinions and truly believe in the skill and empowerment of my team member’s decisions?
What is the timeline? Am I willing to take the time to coach?
Am I in the coach position? Am I willing and able to act as a partner to my team member?
Step 3: Resist Giving the Answers
When you find yourself consistently answering questions or presenting solutions- consider: is this my opinion and approach based on my bias or is this the only right path?
Unless there is only one right answer or only one best answer to a question, problem, or challenge- stop giving them the answers.
Can your team member approach the situation differently and still be successful?
Can you let them approach this differently?
Be honest with yourself here. It is not necessarily a bad thing to answer no to the questions above. It is important to locate yourself and be realistic about whether or not you should be coaching or considering a different approach.
Asking Powerful Questions
The coaching partnership is often defined as asking questions. Specifically, coaches are looking to ask questions that help to dig deeper, look at a situation from a different perspective, increase understanding, and evoke learning. These are powerful questions.
The only way to ask a powerful question is to start by listening. You can read more on listening techniques here. You are listening to truly understand your team member’s needs and goals to ask the most value-adding questions at the moment. Your questions should be considered responses to what your team member is saying. Depending on your strengths, your team members’ goals, and your relationship, here are a few types of questions you may want to practice:
Pacing Questions
Pacing questions are focused on observing where someone is in time and asking them questions to help move their focus to the present or an alternative moment in time.
For example, to gently shift the topic of conversation to the present, instead of saying “ok great, let’s jump in on our agenda” consider asking “what’s on your mind now?”, “where are you now” or “what would help you move to the present?” Then you can kick off an agenda or ask them what they want to cover on their current call.
You can use the same technique to shift from focusing on the present to focus on the future. Rather than abruptly jumping forward by asking- “what are your goals for next year?” pace the shift by asking “I hear that’s where you are today, what does the future look like? What is relevant for you then? What are you hoping to accomplish? What are your goals for next year?” Try to observe where their focus is right now and how you can help them envision the future before discussing progress in the future state.
You can also pace metaphorically to help consider other dimensions, aspects, or perspectives. For example, if you observe that your team member is focused on tactical aspects rather than the purpose or the why, consider pacing them up to the why: “I hear what you are looking for tactically, how is that important to you?” Or the opposite, moving from the why to the tactical: “It sounds like x is important, what can you do to accomplish that?”
To learn more about helping your team member shift perspective, explore Dilt’s Logical Levels.
Check-in on Value
Consider applying three check-ins to any meeting or conversation you have.
Initial alignment: when a meeting or conversation starts, or anytime in a conversation when you observe that the high-level goals or purpose are not aligned, pause to align on a starting point. This could be things like:
“What are our goals for the conversation today?”
“What do you hope to get out of our time together?”
“What would be a helpful takeaway?”
“What would success look like from our conversation?”
“If our conversation today was valuable for you, what would that look like?”
Midpoint check-in: whether you aligned initially or not, midway through a conversation, meeting, or your time with someone, pause to check in:
“What has been most valuable so far?”
“What are you observing from our conversation?”
“How well are we tracking towards your original goal?
“We have X minutes left together, how can we make the most of the remaining time?”
“Where should we go from here?”
Wrap-up check-in: in the last 5-10 minutes of any conversation or engagement shift the conversation from active conversation to wrapping up and checking in on what you accomplished:
“How was this valuable to you?”
“What is standing out to you from our time today?”
“What are the highlights or things you want to remember?”
“What are your takeaways? What may you want to apply or consider further?”
“How likely are you to commit to that?” How can you hold yourself accountable?”
“How will you know if you are successful?”
Shift Perspectives
Perspective-shifting questions allow someone to move away from their current box or thought paradigm and look at the situation differently to gain understanding and awareness. Examples of this include:
As-if questions: imagine as if X was different, what would become true
“What if you had all the information you needed already, what would you do next?”
“Think forward 6 months, what exists then?”
“Think about your biggest champion or cheerleader, what would they say to you now?”
“What if you could make this even better, what would that look like?”
“If you could create a perfect world, what would that be?”
Add a scale or quantify the intangible:
“If 10 is your ideal state, where are you today?” “Where do you want to be by the end of this call?”
“What percent are you committed to this decision?” “How committed do you want to be to move forward?”
“What’s a metaphor/ example to describe what you are looking for?” “Where are you in relation to that today?” What is one step in the direction of [metaphor/ example]?”
Find what they are really searching for:
“What have you already determined you will do and where do you still have open questions to explore?”
“What are you really looking for?”
“Why do you need me to give you the answer?” “What do you think my opinion will support you with?”
“What are you observing from what you’ve shared so far?”
The goal of practicing powerful questions is not to win or be the most successful coach. The goal is to support your team member. When you are practicing these questions observe any emotion or attachment to ego that may arise, be kind to yourself, and let it go. Your effort to practice shows your intention and that care and thoughtfulness will allow you to support your team.
The GROW Coaching Model
GROW was first developed in 1980 by Sir John Whitmore and colleagues and later popularized in his book “Coaching for Performance” in 2019. While often seen as a coaching framework, Whitmore defines it as a sequence to structure a conversation to unlock potential.
GROW stands for Goal, Reality, Options and Will.
Questions you can ask to move through GROW.
Goal:
“What is your goal?”
“What would be a helpful takeaway?”
“What would success look like?”
Reality:
“Where are you now?”
“What are your challenges or opportunities?”
“What else should you consider?”
Options:
“What options do you have?”
“If you are not limited by X what becomes possible?”
“What else would lead to an even better outcome?”
Will:
“What will you commit to moving forward?”
“When will you do that?”
“How will you know if you are successful?”
“How is that important?”
The GROW sequence is an order of questions. To be effective, start by drawing awareness to where you are and the coach position and be honest about your intentions.
Resources
Dilts, Robert B. “A Brief History of Logical Levels.” Levels Summary, NLPU, 2014, http://www.nlpu.com/Articles/LevelsSummary.htm.
Whitmore, J. (2009) Coaching for Performance: Growing Human Potential and Purpose—The Principles and Practice of Coaching and Leadership. 4th Edition, Nicholas Brealey Publishing, London.
